By JOSHUA THOMAS

C-S-E Editor

Who are these people that spend Thanksgiving savoring and appreciating the greatest things bestowed upon them, basking in the glow of the people and places they’ve surrounded themselves with, only to go buck wild at midnight, disregarding fellow man entirely in the name of deals?

Black Friday seems like it keeps getting worse. Just last year, someone sprayed mace into a crowd at a semi-local department store. People were biting each other like horror movie monsters, chewing through chunks of flesh for items that were most likely only marginally discounted. It’s cool to pay with patches of hair as long as you keep that cash.

Today, I’m thankful that in my foreseeable future, I don’t envision a person’s flying elbow breaking my nose, nor do I foresee a mouthful of poison, nor will I be cannibalized and climbed like a ladder to a price-reduced doll.

I’m thankful for whoever created cyber Monday, so I can sit home and get the same supposed deals in the calm of my own home. It’s all the fun of shopping without being crushed to death.

I’m thankful for the local business people who offer true deals, yet discourage hordes hellbent on abuse. Seriously, could you imagine shopping at any store in your local village and seeing people attack one another? It simply wouldn’t happen, and if it did, it would qualify as assault.

It’s as if some people have embraced the fact that Black Friday brings out the crazy, and they’re not only game for it, but they look forward to it. They load the mace in their purse, make sure they have their weapons, and they’re ready to go shopping. If you see a deal, pull out your craziest face to prove you’re the most most psychotic saver. Give that miniature bat in your purse a crack, grab that video game and run.

Today, I’m thankful for the fact that I was raised with enough sense not to victimize the people that somebody, somewhere was thankful for only one day ago, and I’m thankful for the fact that there are so many sensible local people who feel exactly the same. I really do feel safe here, and completely outside the madness, with the knowledge that most of the people reading this absolutely agree, and watch the reports of Black Friday violence with as much bewilderment as I do each year.

This year, I’m thankful for those who are conscious and protective of their peers, and for whoever or whatever — parents, society, some combination of those or lessons learned through a lack thereof, etc. — has brought all my sensible fellow Americans to the conclusion that a society of casual violence is not one we want to partake in.

I wish everybody a happy, healthy and safe Thanksgiving and Black Friday, and I’m thankful for those folks that wish the same for me and my loved ones during these conflicted 48 hours.